By Marjorie Munsterberg

Writing About Art

APPENDIX IV: The First Draft

The Endymion Sarcophagus (47.100.4) is a Roman marble sarcophagus created between 200-220 CE during the Severan Dynasty, decorated with scenes dealing with love and immortality.  The base of the sarcophagus is 73 inches wide by 20 inches tall, with the top an additional eight inches high.  The shape of the sarcophagus is known as lenos, which resembles a trough for pressing grapes.1  The heavily decorated sarcophagus depicts many figures in a deeply undercut relief.  It was found at Ostia in 1825, but then lost until 1913, and was bought by the Metropolitan Museum of art at 1947.2

The sarcophagus has decorations on both the base and lid.  The major carvings are on the long sides.  The front, distinguished by the depth of the carving, shows the main myth of Selene and Endymion bracketed on either side by a large lions' head.  The back shows a pastoral scene in a lower relief.  The low reliefs on the back are to let it sit flush against the wall of a vault.  The sides have depictions of Selene and Helios.  The lid of the sarcophagus is bare except for the front, which is ornamented with a panel with an inscription in the center, and ten small scenes in arches on either side.

The central myth depicted on the sarcophagus is that of Selene and Endymion.  The Greek goddess Selene represents the moon, and is the sister of Helios, the sun god.  Selene fell in love with Endymion, a beautiful young huntsman or shepherd.  She came to him while he was asleep in a grotto and put him into an eternal sleep.3  This event supposedly took place on Mount Latmos, near Miletos.  The main scene on the front of the sarcophagus illustrates Selene meeting Endymion while he sleeps.  Because of cupids holding torches and Selene riding her chariot, the scene is set in the nighttime.  One of the small scenes on the lid of the sarcophagus shows Endymion having awoken to be with Selene.  To the right of the scene, Selene is mounting her chariot after the meeting with Endymion.

The front consists of many figures arranged between two matching lions' heads.  Despite the complexity of the design, the major characters are easily identifiable.  On the front of the base, near the center is a woman that is around one and a half feet tall.  She is the goddess Selene, stepping down from a chariot pulled by two rearing horses located to her left.4  She wears a flowing dress that leaves her right breast uncovered.  She holds a veil above her head that forms a crescent moon shape, and holds a wreath in her right hand.  She is depicted from the side, leaning over a man to the right.

The man is Endymion, shown lying on the ground with his eyes closed.5  He is mostly nude, with only a cloth partially covering his chest.  He has one arm held to his head, in the classical Greek position of sleep.  Standing above him is a winged female figure dressed in a robe that may be the goddess Night, or Nyx.6  She is holding poppy flowers in her right arm and pouring a potion out of a drinking horn with her left hand.  Surrounding the figures are six nude winged cupids watching the scene between Selene and Endymion. 7  Four of them hold torches to light Endymion, and two hold the reins of Selene’s horses.

There are many other characters depicted in the scene that are not part of the myth.  To the left of the chariot is a female figure that is slightly smaller than Selene is.  She holds the reins of the horses in her right hand and a whip in the left, attempting to calm the horses down.  Sitting on the ground to directly to her left is a bearded shepherd who is scratching a dog.  Around him lay several sheep.  On both the left and right of the figures are two large lion heads with their mouths open.  They are placed in a place where the spouts are found on grape pressing troughs upon which the shape of the sarcophagus is based.8  Under the head of the lion on the left, next to the man are two small winged figures embracing one another, identified as Cupid and Psyche.9

Beyond the lions, the sides of the sarcophagus curve around, containing more figures.  On the left side of the sarcophagus, a nude male figure wearing a cloak, identified as Helios, is depicted climbing into his chariot, pulled by four horses.10  The right side of the sarcophagus shows Selene again, this time in the process of getting into her chariot.  The reins of the two horses that pull the chariot are held by a winged female figure.

The back depicts a pastoral scene in a shallower relief than the front.  On the left, past Selene, sits an older bearded man dressed in a robe who looks back at Selene.  Behind him are three large bulls and a sheep.  In the center are three grazing horses.  On the right stand a herdsman and his dog.  Beyond the man and his dog are two women who stand near Helios, with one pointing to the scene on the front.

On the front of the lid is an inscription that reads,

“ANINIA HILARA /   CL ∙ ARRIAE MARI / ∙ INCONPARABILE / FECIT ∙ VIXIT ∙ / ANN ∙ L ∙ MEN / ∙ X”11.

This means that the sarcophagus was created for a freedwoman12 named Claudia Arria, who lived for fifty years and ten months.  The daughter of Claudia, Aninia Hilaria, dedicated the sarcophagus.13 The content of inscription is unusual as it indicates that the daughter, not a husband, father, or son-in-law paid for the sarcophagus.14  In fact, according to Saller and Shaw, funerary inscriptions from daughters to mothers make up only three percent of all dedications.15

On either side of the inscription are ten six inch tall reliefs arranged in a row, five on each side, each depicting a different scene in an arch.  The scenes on both the far left and far right depict male figures at rest within a pastoral landscape.  Moving forward toward the center, the reliefs depict cupids with fruits and animals, symbolizing the seasons and the bounty of the earth.  The next panel, the third from the left, depicts Cupid and Psyche embracing.  Cupid turns away from Psyche, while Psyche pulls his chin to face her.16  The fourth panel from the left is of a man dressed in armor and carrying a spear and shield, and faces right.  He can be identified as Mars, god of war and Venus's lover.17 

The final panel on the left side shows a seated nude man facing a seated woman dressed in a flowing robe.  They are Selene and Endymion, after Endymion awakens.18  Two cupids, watching the scene, surround the two figures.

The panel on the right of the inscription is of the woman for whom the sarcophagus was made, Claudia Arria.19  She has a stern expression and crossed arms, and faces out at the viewer.  The portrait helps to date the work, as she is depicted with a specific hairstyle made popular by Empress Julia Domina (193 ­- 211 C.E.), wife of Septimius Severus.20

To the right of the portrait is a semi-nude female figure, interpreted as Venus, who stands among cupids.  She holds out an apple with her right hand and a spear in her left.  To the right of the relief is another scene with Venus.  In it she rests on a rock nude while cupids play around her. 21

Another story that shown on the sarcophagus is that of Psyche and Cupid.  Cupid is the god of love and son of Venus, goddess of love and beauty.  Psyche is an extremely beautiful mortal woman, of whom Venus is jealous.  Venus sends Cupid to cause Psyche to fall in love with someone ugly, but he falls in love himself and takes her away.  Psyche accidentally harms Cupid, and then appeals to Venus to appease her.  Venus then sets Psyche to a series of impossible tasks.  Eventually, Cupid recovers and convinces Jupiter to plead their case to Venus.  Jupiter succeeds, and Psyche becomes immortal and marries Cupid. 22

Approximately one hundred and twenty sarcophagi from the second and third centuries that depict Selene and Endymion survive to this day, with many more presumably lost.  The earliest versions, which date to around 130 C.E., have simple compositions, and Selene usually walks from right to left.  Later versions have Selene walking left to right, which some historians believe to reflect the direction of which Latin and Greek is read.23  In the early third century, a single scene becomes the most prevalent, either of Selene approaching the sleeping Endymion, or of Selene getting back up into her chariot.  Also during this time, many other characters are added to the scene, such as the shepherds and cupids depicted here.24 

Stylistically similar sarcophagi of this time depict other mythological scenes.  One example is the sarcophagus of Maconiana Severiana made in 210 C.E., which features the same undercut relief of the Endymion Sarcophagus, but depicts the myth of Ariadnea and Dionysos.  This myth has some similarities to the myth Selene and Endymion, as it also features a mortal gaining the love of a god and gaining immortality. 

Dionysos is also depicted on the Triumph of Dionysos and Seasons Sarcophagus from 260-270 C.E.25  One of the noticeable features of this sarcophagus is the depiction of the four Seasons, which is also a theme on the Endymion Sarcophagus, albeit not as prominently. 

Another marble sarcophagus from around the middle of the second century depicts another version of the Selene and Endymion myth.  In this, the emphasis shifts to the pastoral aspects of the story.26

The Endymion sarcophagus likely was made in a workshop based in Rome.  After it was purchased, the inscription was added, which is seen in the relatively poor quality compared to the rest of the carvings.  The portrait of the deceased was also finished later, as the generalized costume and gesture can be made to suit anyone, and tool marks around her head indicate the rough form from which the portrait was created.27

 

NOTES

  1. Heather T. Awan, "Roman Sarcophagi," in Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History (The Metropolitan Museum of Art, 2000–­).  http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/rsar/hd_rsar.htm (accessed November 26, 2008).
  2. Friedrich Matz, “An Endymion Sarcophagus Rediscovered,” The Metropolitan Museum Art Bulletin, New Series, 15 (Jan. 1957): 128.
  3. Yves Bonnefoy and Wendy Doniger, Greek and Egyptian Mythologies (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1992): 178.
  4. Matz, 123.
  5. Matz, 123.
  6. Mark P. O. Morford and Robert J. Lenardon, Classical Mythology (New York:  Oxford University Press, 2003), 59.
  7. Matz, 123.
  8. Jean Sorbella, “A Roman Sarcophagus and Its Patron,” Metropolitan Museum Journal, 36 (2001): 70.
  9. Matz, 123.
  10. Matz, 123.
  11. Sorbella, 67.
  12. Matz, 127.
  13. Sorbella, 67-69.
  14. Sorabella, 67.
  15. Sorabella, 79.
  16. Sorbella, 74-75.
  17. Sorabella, 75.
  18. Matz, 127.
  19. "Endymion sarcophagus [Roman] (47.100.4)" in Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History.  (New York: The Metropolitan Museum of Art, 2000–).  http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/rsar/ho_47.100.4.htm (accessed November 30, 2008).
  20. Matz, 127.
  21. Sorabella, 75.
  22. Thomas Bulfinch and Bob Fisher, Bulfinch's Mythology (Charleston, North Carolina: Forgotten Books, 1964): 74-82.
  23. Sorabella, 70.
  24. Sorabella, 70.
  25. "Triumph of Dionysos and Seasons sarcophagus [Roman] (55.11.5)" in Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History.  (New York: The Metropolitan Museum of Art, 2000–).  http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/ho/05/eust/ho_55.11.5.htm (accessed December 5, 2008).
  26. Sorabella, 73.
  27. Sorabella, 77.

 

TOPIC SENTENCES:

 

The Endymion Sarcophagus (47.100.4) is a Roman marble sarcophagus created between 200-220 CE during the Severan Dynasty, decorated with scenes dealing with love and immortality.

 

The sarcophagus has decorations on both the base and lid. 

 

The central myth depicted on the sarcophagus is that of Selene and Endymion. 

 

The front consists of many figures arranged between two matching lions' heads. 

 

The man is Endymion, shown lying on the ground with his eyes closed.

 

There are many other characters depicted in the scene that are not part of the myth.

 

Beyond the lions, the sides of the sarcophagus curve around, containing more figures. 

 

The back depicts a pastoral scene in a shallower relief than the front. 

 

On the front of the lid is an inscription that reads,

 

On either side of the inscription are ten six inch tall reliefs arranged in a row, five on each side, each depicting a different scene in an arch. 

 

The final panel on the left side shows a seated nude man facing a seated woman dressed in a flowing robe.

 

The panel on the right of the inscription is of the woman for whom the sarcophagus was made, Claudia Hilaria.

 

To the right of the portrait is a semi-nude female figure, interpreted as Venus, who stands among cupids.

 

Another story that shown on the sarcophagus is that of Psyche and Cupid.

 

Approximately one hundred and twenty sarcophagi from the second and third centuries that depict Selene and Endymion survive to this day, with many more presumably lost.

 

Stylistically similar sarcophagi of this time depict other mythological scenes.

 

Dionysos is also depicted on the Triumph of Dionysos and Seasons Sarcophagus from 260-270 C.E.

 

Another marble sarcophagus from around the middle of the second century depicts another version of the Selene and Endymion myth.

 

The Endymion sarcophagus likely was made in a workshop based in Rome.

 

Comments: Compare the outline of topic sentences to the outline of the paper.  Do they match?  Note how the outline separates the physical description from the identification of the figures.  The topic sentences, on the other hand, seem to mix the two.  The paper moves from the "central myth" to "front," but isn't the central myth on the front?  Then it moves to Endymion, but isn't he part of the "central myth"?  This confusion continues, and some, but not all, of the arched panels along the top of the front, have an individual paragraph.  In the last section, discussion of Endymion sarcophagi seems to be split.  The paper apparently ends with the fact that this example was made in Rome, which seems like new information rather than a conclusion.  Note that none of the topic sentences relates to the theme of sleep and death, which is an entire section in the outline.  The conclusion there follows naturally - why was the theme popular?

 

MAKE YOUR OWN REVISIONS TO THE PAPER AND CHECK THE NOTES FOR ERRORS IN FORMAT BEFORE READING THE EDITED VERSION BELOW.

 

An edited version of the first draft follows, with comments and questions in brackets.  The notes have been eliminated for the sake of the clarity of this presentation, although in actual practice they always should be kept with the information.

 

Paragraph 1:

The Endymion Sarcophagus (47.100.4) is a Roman marble sarcophagus created between 200-220 CE during the Severan Dynasty, decorated with scenes dealing with love and immortality. [This is a little long for the first sentence of a paper, and contains some repetition.  The word sarcophagus is used twice, and Roman, the dates, and Severan are different ways of referring to the same period of time. Furthermore, if the paper will be about the carved scenes, it would be better to condense the facts and make the last part of the sentence come after the verb.]  The base of the sarcophagus is 73 inches wide by 20 inches tall, with the top an additional eight inches high.  [Top is vague - is this part of the body of the sarcophagus or a lid?] The shape of the sarcophagus is known as lenos, which resembles a trough for pressing grapes.  [Since a modern reader has no idea what a trough for pressing grapes looks like, or why it is relevant, another description of the shape would be helpful.]  The heavily decorated sarcophagus depicts many figures in a deeply undercut relief.  [This relates to the last part of the first sentence rather than the physical facts that precede it.  Perhaps the order should be changed.]  It was found at Ostia in 1825, but then lost until 1913, and was bought by the Metropolitan Museum of art at 1947.  [Where is Ostia, what was the context in which it was found, and why does it matter that it was lost?  The "a" of "art" is part of the proper name of the museum and should be capitalized.]

 

Paragraph 2:

The sarcophagus has decorations on both the base and lid.  [This is the first mention of a lid (called "top" above), and the information is basic enough to be part of the first paragraph.]  The major carvings are on the long sides.  [It wasn't clear from the first paragraph that the sarcophagus has long sides and - presumably - short sides.  This also should be established in the first paragraph.]  The front, distinguished by the depth of the carving, shows the main myth of Selene and Endymion bracketed on either side by a large lions' head.  [The main myth, which apparently gives the sarcophagus its name, should be mentioned in the first paragraph.  The use of depth of carving is confusing - does this mean that the front is different from all the other sides? If head is singular ("a"), it should be a "lion's" head.]  The back shows a pastoral scene in a lower relief.  ["Lower" than what?  It also would be more graceful to say that it was or is carved in lower relief.]  The low reliefs on the back are to let it sit flush against the wall of a vault.  [Now the reliefs are plural, when the previous sentence mentions only one scene, the reference for "it" is not clear, and there has been no mention of a vault.  What is it, how do we know about it, and does this mean that any sarcophagus carved in low relief was meant to stand against a wall?] The sides have depictions of Selene and Helios.  [Each side depicts Selene and Helios, or one side depicts one and the other, the other?] The lid of the sarcophagus is bare except for the front, which is ornamented with a panel with an inscription in the center, and ten small scenes in arches on either side. [Again, the lid should be mentioned in the first paragraph, and the ten arched scenes amount to a total of ten, five on each side, or a total of twenty, ten on each side?]

 

Paragraph 3:

The central myth depicted on the sarcophagus is that of Selene and Endymion.  [This should have been said in the first paragraph, so there will be no need to repeat it here.]  The Greek goddess Selene represents the moon, and is the sister of Helios, the sun god.  [The phrasing is awkward.  Selene doesn't represent the moon.  She is the goddess of the moon.]  Selene fell in love with Endymion, a beautiful young huntsman or shepherd. She came to him while he was asleep in a grotto and put him into an eternal sleep.  This event supposedly took place on Mount Latmos, near Miletos. [Unless this place is relevant to what is shown, it seems like a fact that is an extra for this paper.  Not everything about Selene and Endymion is worth mentioning.] The main scene on the front of the sarcophagus illustrates Selene meeting Endymion while he sleeps.  Because of cupids holding torches and Selene riding her chariot, the scene is set in the nighttime.  [Awkward wording - the scene is not set in the night because the cupids hold torches.  Instead, we as viewers understand that it takes place at night because of the torches and the fact that Selene, the goddess of the moon, is out.]  One of the small scenes on the lid of the sarcophagus shows Endymion having awoken to be with Selene.  [This comes as a surprise, so it might be more effective to mention above that they are shown more than once on the sarcophagus.] To the right of the scene, Selene is mounting her chariot after the meeting with Endymion.  [Which scene?]

 

Paragraph 4:

The front consists of many figures arranged between two matching lions' heads.  [This is a basic description of the organization of the major area of carving, so it should have come above.]  Despite the complexity of the design, the major characters are easily identifiable.  [Indicating how the composition helps tell the story is important, especially when there are as many elements are there are here.  So it should be explained how they are made noticeable and identifiable. The first is about visual aspects, while the second is about iconography - which means that they probably need to be discussed separately.]  On the front of the base, near the center is a woman that is around one and a half feet tall.  [To call the front "the front of the base" is confusing - use consistent terms for the sections and major elements.  In this case, the actual height is not nearly as useful as how high she is in relation to the entire scene. There should be a comma after "center."]  She is the goddess Selene, stepping down from a chariot pulled by two rearing horses located to her left.  [Is it to her left or our left?]  She wears a flowing dress that leaves her right breast uncovered.  She holds a veil above her head that forms a crescent moon shape, and holds a wreath in her right hand.  She is depicted from the side, leaning over a man to the right.  [This paragraph is not, in fact, about the topic of the topic sentence, but rather it is about Selene.  So there should be a new topic sentence.  If she is the major figure visually, then it makes sense to start with her and make the various aspects of her appearance the subject of a single paragraph. The sentences should be varied so that each one does not begin with "she."]

 

Paragraph 5:

The man is Endymion, shown lying on the ground with his eyes closed. [The "the" in "the man" only makes sense in relation to the last sentence of the previous paragraph.  It is better that topic sentences be able to stand alone.]  He is mostly nude, with only a cloth partially covering his chest.  [This is not an adequate description of the cloth, and the visual emphasis on his genitals should be mentioned, especially since it is a story of consummated love.]  He has one arm held to his head, in the classical Greek position of sleep.  ["Held to his head" is not precise enough.  No reader could draw his position from that description.]  Standing above him is a winged female figure dressed in a robe that may be the goddess Night, or Nyx. [The awkward syntax suggests that it is the robe that may be the goddess Night, not the female figure.]  She is holding poppy flowers in her right arm and pouring a potion out of a drinking horn with her left hand.  [They are not flowers, but the pods from which the poppy seeds come.] Surrounding the figures are six nude winged cupids watching the scene between Selene and Endymion.  Four of them hold torches to light Endymion, and two hold the reins of Selene’s horses.

 

Paragraph 6:

There are many other characters depicted in the scene that are not part of the myth. ["in the scene" is not clear - on the front? In this group? It is important to be very specific here.] To the left of the chariot is a female figure that is slightly smaller than Selene is.  She holds the reins of the horses in her right hand and a whip in the left, attempting to calm the horses down.  [If she holds the reins to Selene's horses, she is related to Selene and thus the main scene.]  Sitting on the ground to directly to her left is a bearded shepherd who is scratching a dog.  [Shouldn't be a "to" after "ground." The appearance of this shepherd in the description is so surprising that his visual relationship to the main figures has to be made clear, and where is the dog?] Around him lay several sheep.  [Grammar:  the sheep "lie" not "lay."]  On both the left and right of the figures are two large lion heads with their mouths open.  ["To" instead of "on" is better, and if the heads are on the left and right, are there a total of two or four?]  They are placed in a place where the spouts are found on grape pressing troughs upon which the shape of the sarcophagus is based. [Place shouldn't be used twice, and this fact is hard to make sense of - why? Do they have spouts on the sarcophagus too?]  Under the head of the lion on the left, next to the man are two small winged figures embracing one another, identified as Cupid and Psyche. [It should be "to" the left, and what man? If there is a comma after "left," setting off the next phrase, there must be a comma after "man" too.]

 

Paragraph 7:

Beyond the lions, the sides of the sarcophagus curve around, containing more figures. [It isn't that the sides curve, but that the long sides curve into the ends.] On the left side of the sarcophagus, a nude male figure wearing a cloak, identified as Helios, is depicted climbing into his chariot, pulled by four horses.  [Make sure the reader always knows what the frame of reference is - here, to the left of what? What identifies him as Helios? Does his action have a meaning?]  The right side of the sarcophagus shows Selene again, this time in the process of getting into her chariot.  The reins of the two horses that pull the chariot are held by a winged female figure. [Is this a continuation of the scene on the front?  If the sun is on one end and the moon on the other, do they refer imply the passage of time?  In addition, there are other figures that have not been mentioned.]

 

Paragraph 8:

The back depicts a pastoral scene in a shallower relief than the front.  ["carved in shallower relief than the scenes on the front" is more graceful wording, and the sides also are carved deeply.  How big are the figures in relation to the height of the sarcophagus?]  On the left, past Selene, sits an older bearded man dressed in a robe who looks back at Selene. [Which Selene this is should be specified if only to remind us, there's no need to repeat her name twice, and left from which point of view, because it is not the same as the last time "left" was used.]  Behind him are three large bulls and a sheep.  In the center are three grazing horses.  On the right stand a herdsman and his dog.  Beyond the man and his dog are two women who stand near Helios, with one pointing to the scene on the front. [An indication of how these figures relate to each other in terms of two- and three-dimensional design would be helpful.  Are they strung out, do they overlap, are they clearly all meant to be in the same space?  "Beyond" is especially confusing, because it does not refer to either dimension unambiguously.]

 

Paragraph 9:

On the front of the lid is an inscription that reads,

“ANINIA HILARA /   CL ∙ ARRIAE MARI / ∙ INCONPARABILE / FECIT ∙ VIXIT ∙ / ANN ∙ L ∙ MEN / ∙ X”.

This means that the sarcophagus was created for a freedwoman named Claudia Arria, who lived for fifty years and ten months.  The daughter of Claudia, Aninia Hilaria, dedicated the sarcophagus.  [This translation is not quite accurate, according the article by Sollabella.  It doesn't say call her freedwoman, but mother, and she is "inconparabile," a common flattering adjective, perhaps something like the English incomparable.]  The content of inscription is unusual as it indicates that the daughter, not a husband, father, or son-in-law paid for the sarcophagus.  [What is unusual is the act, not the inscription.]  In fact, according to Saller and Shaw, funerary inscriptions from daughters to mothers make up only three percent of all dedications. [No need to mention the names of the authors in the text, especially because they didn't write the article that is cited.]

 

Paragraph 10:

On either side of the inscription are ten six inch tall reliefs arranged in a row, five on each side, each depicting a different scene in an arch.  [On either side of the inscription are five arched panels, carved in low relief.]  The scenes on both the far left and far right depict male figures at rest within a pastoral landscape.  Moving forward toward the center, the reliefs depict cupids with fruits and animals, symbolizing the seasons and the bounty of the earth.  ["The reliefs next to them" would be simpler.]  The next panel, the third from the left, depicts Cupid and Psyche embracing.  [If this is all going to be about the ones on the left side, then that should be stated in the topic sentence of the paragraph.  Otherwise, the reader assumes from the second sentence that the discussion will move in toward the center from both the right and the left.]  Cupid turns away from Psyche, while Psyche pulls his chin to face her.  The fourth panel from the left is of a man dressed in armor and carrying a spear and shield, and faces right.  [Better to avoid the verb "to be" as much as possible, and instead define the relationship exactly - the panel shows, represents, depicts, the man.]  He can be identified as Mars, god of war and Venus's lover. 

 

Paragraph 11:

The final panel on the left side shows a seated nude man facing a seated woman dressed in a flowing robe.  They are Selene and Endymion, after Endymion awakens.  Two cupids, watching the scene, surround the two figures.  [Why is this a separate paragraph?  It follows naturally from the previous topic sentence and the description of the other panels on the same side of the inscription.]

 

Paragraph 12:

The panel on the right of the inscription is of the woman for whom the sarcophagus was made, Claudia Arria.  [Again, "is of" is less descriptive than "shows" or "portrays."]  She has a stern expression and crossed arms, and faces out at the viewer.  [This portrait is so important that it deserves more detail.  She is the woman for whom this entire work was made!]  The portrait helps to date the work, as she is depicted with a specific hairstyle made popular by Empress Julia Domina (193 ­- 211 C.E.), wife of Septimius Severus.

 

Paragraph 13:

To the right of the portrait is a semi-nude female figure, interpreted as Venus, who stands among cupids.  She holds out an apple with her right hand and a spear in her left.  To the right of the relief is another scene with Venus.  In it she rests on a rock nude while cupids play around her. [Not having all the panels to the right of the portrait mentioned here is confusing.  It also would be useful to know how big these figures are and a little bit more about the reliefs.  Are they as complicated in composition as the scenes below them?]

 

Paragraph 14:

Another story that shown on the sarcophagus is that of Psyche and Cupid.  [This was mentioned above, so the explanation of the myth doesn't fit here. Perhaps a paragraph about the other mythological figures should follow the one about Selene and Endymion.]  Cupid is the god of love and son of Venus, goddess of love and beauty.  Psyche is an extremely beautiful mortal woman, of whom Venus is jealous.  Venus sends Cupid to cause Psyche to fall in love with someone ugly, but he falls in love himself and takes her away.  Psyche accidentally harms Cupid, and then appeals to Venus to appease her.  [Reference for "her" is not clear.]  Venus then sets Psyche to a series of impossible tasks.  Eventually, Cupid recovers and convinces Jupiter to plead their case to Venus.  Jupiter succeeds, and Psyche becomes immortal and marries Cupid.  [Who is Jupiter?  Which parts of this story matter for this sarcophagus?]

 

Paragraph 15:

Approximately one hundred and twenty sarcophagi from the second and third centuries that depict Selene and Endymion survive to this day, with many more presumably lost.  The earliest versions, which date to around 130 C.E., have simple compositions, and Selene usually walks from right to left.  Later versions have Selene walking left to right, which some historians believe to reflect the direction of which Latin and Greek is read. ["Believe to reflect" should be believe reflects, and "of which" should be "in which."  Why does this make sense, when the audience also was using Greek and Latin at the time the earlier ones were made?  Just because a scholar says something doesn't make it true or interesting!] In the early third century, a single scene becomes the most prevalent, either of Selene approaching the sleeping Endymion, or of Selene getting back up into her chariot.  Also during this time, many other characters are added to the scene, such as the shepherds and cupids depicted here. 

 

Paragraph 16:

Stylistically similar sarcophagi of this time depict other mythological scenes.  ["Made during the Severan period" or "made during the early 3rd century" would be clearer than "of this time" - of what time?]  One example is the sarcophagus of Maconiana Severiana made in 210 C.E., which features the same undercut relief of the Endymion Sarcophagus, but depicts the myth of Ariadnea and Dionysos.  [Should be "Ariadne."  More information has to be given about this sarcophagus, at minimum where it is located today.  Since the undercut relief has not been explained, the similarity is hard to follow. If the myth also needs to be explained, it may be that the comparison is not worth the space it will take to make all the aspects clear.]This myth has some similarities to the myth Selene and Endymion, as it also features a mortal gaining the love of a god and gaining immortality.  [Repetition of "gain" should be avoided, and the one is the result of the other - "thereby gaining" or "through that love gaining."]

 

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Dionysos is also depicted on the Triumph of Dionysos and Seasons Sarcophagus from 260-270 C.E.  [Why is this a separate paragraph?  It follows from the previous topic sentence.  Again, at least the present location of the sarcophagus should be given.]  One of the noticeable features of this sarcophagus is the depiction of the four Seasons, which is also a theme on the Endymion Sarcophagus, albeit not as prominently. [Like the sarcophagus mentioned above, this one needs more discussion to make sense as a comparison.  These bare facts don't add much to the paper.]

 

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Another marble sarcophagus from around the middle of the second century depicts another version of the Selene and Endymion myth.  [Since this one is also in the collection of the Metropolitan, and shares many of the same elements, a discussion of it in much greater detail would make the paper richer.]  In this, the emphasis shifts to the pastoral aspects of the story.  ["In this" what?  How?]

 

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The Endymion sarcophagus likely was made in a workshop based in Rome.  [It would be better to know why this is so and why it matters.]  After it was purchased, the inscription was added, which is seen in the relatively poor quality compared to the rest of the carvings.  ["The inscription was added after it was purchased" would read more smoothly.  How is the quality poor?  This comment should be made more specific.]  The portrait of the deceased was also finished later, as the generalized costume and gesture can be made to suit anyone, and tool marks around her head indicate the rough form from which the portrait was created. [Finished later than what? What generalized costume and gesture?  The "the" indicates that it was explained  before, but it wasn't.  The tool marks also have to be explained, since this is the first time there has been any mention of the way in which the sarcophagus was carved.]

 

Final comments:

This last paragraph is not a conclusion, which should summarize the main points of the paper without repeating them.  In fact, the information seems so basic that it would have been more appropriately mentioned earlier.  Perhaps the end of the paper could be about the popularity of the subject, as suggested in the Outline.  That would remind the reader about the subject and its popularity while looking at it in a new way.  One of the major omissions is any discussion of how the sarcophagus was made, or what the color and surface of the marble look like.  More information about this would give the reader a better sense of its physical presence.  A longer comparison to other Endymion sarcophagi also would be interesting, and more relevant than references to other sarcophagi with mythological subjects.  Note that the paper does not include a discussion of the Severan style, mentioned in the outline.  It’s a relevant topic, but not a necessary one, and if examples were not easy to find or describe, eliminating it is fine.

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© Marjorie Munsterberg 2008-2009